Life
by TheNewIdea
Summary: Brian Griffin is seventeen (81 in human years), a recent convert and dying of a rare heart disease. With only a few days left, Brian decides to do one final act in an effort to save his soul. Rated T for religious references and character death.
1. Chapter 1

Brian woke up as quietly as he did any other day. Lois had gone to Vegas with her girlfriends, Peter was at the Calm, something that had become the normal for him during the day after Chris and Meg left for college and Stewie, well Brian had no idea where Stewie was, so it was safe to say that he was alone at the house.

Nearing the end of the middle of his life, Brian never really thought about what he would do with himself if he found the ever elusive One. He had given up on love a long time ago so much so that he even came close to the point of being sober, until Chris and Meg left that is. Now he was taking extra shots of everything he could find.

But Brian wasn't hopeless. He had recently accepted the fact that no matter how hard he tried, he just had too many faults to be a success at anything. He was a complete failure at writing, producing, acting, college, teacher, garbage man, and perhaps worst of- dog. Nothing fit, literally. He was failure at being what he was, simply because he lived with the Griffins.

Brian technically didn't consider himself a real member of the family. He knew that Peter and Lois loved him, each in their own way, Chris and Meg didn't pay much attention to him but there was something there, the only one he really had a connection to was Stewie and he growing up faster than any human being on the face of the Earth, taking high school classes at age 6.

He got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. Brain looked in the mirror, his fur was grey around the edges and some of it had begun to fall off but to be honest he didn't really care. Brian was thinking that homelessness would probably be the next stage in his life anyway, so everything he did to keep up appearances would be a step in the right direction.

Brian picked up the shaving cream and razor. He hadn't shaved in years, he didn't need to, but for some reason it felt right. He started with his face until it was as smooth as the coke he used to smoke before switching over to pot. Then he decided that he might as well shave everything. So he did.

Brian walked out of the bathroom and managed to drag himself to the stairs, only to fall face down them and land on his face. Brian stood up, bruised and suffering from a massive headache and walked over to the couch. It was then that Brian heard a car pulling up and loud banging. Part of him wanted to see what was going on and the other part wanted to sit there, he listened to the latter.

Peter stumbled through the door, obviously drunk, and landed on the floor on his stomach. Brian did nothing for he was used to Peter's drinking parties and had frequently participated in enough to know that he would only go so far and would never be in any life threatening danger. So Peter continued to lay on the floor, only exhibiting a small grunt or moan to let everyone know that he was alive.

Stewie was sitting in his chair, not really knowing how he got in the kitchen to begin with. He looked down and saw a small pool of drool so he assumed that he had slept there. Several open books on theology, astronomy, mathematics and psychology confirmed that he had been studying for the better part of the night. "What the devil am I doing here?" he said to himself, not noticing that Brian was in the living room or that Peter had come home. "Am I talking to an empty room? Where the hell is everybody?" He stood up on the chair and was half tempted to get up on the table and look around when he saw Brian.

"Brian, there you are" Stewie said as he got down from the chair and walked into the living room, ignoring his poor excuse for a father who lay still in front of the open doorway. "How's my favorite-?" Stewie looked at Brian; he had never seen him this clam in his entire life. For a moment he thought that he was dead, his eyes were glazed over but there was no sign of any pot, so Brian wasn't high.

Stewie got on the couch and snapped his fingers trying to wake his dog up "Brian, wake up" he started calmly, and then frantically. Stewie began throwing chairs, banging pots, singing random songs, anything to try and get Brian to respond. Nothing worked.

Brian looked at him and couldn't help but laugh to himself. He was quite fond of the kid and watching him try and get his attention was hilarious. It was at the point when Stewie was balancing chairs with his legs and spinning plates on his hands that Brian decided to stop him, "What do you want?" he replied. Stewie looked at him, wanting to scream and laugh at the same time, "What the hell!" Stewie replied "I've been trying like crazy to get you to do anything for the past ten minutes!" Stewie then lost his balance, at the same time dropping the plates and shattering them into a million pieces. Those were the good plates, Lois would not be happy.

"Lois is going to kill you when she sees this" Brian said laughing as he did so, "Oh you think you're so funny?" Stewie answered, "I'll have you know that she put you in charge here. So she's going to kill _you_ when she sees this." Brian huffed, he didn't care if Stewie told her that he broke the plates, he had enough money to buy a set that was just as good if not better.

Brian stood up from the couch and headed towards the door making sure to step over Peter and grab his car keys. Stewie looked at him with surprise, "You can't just leave me alone. Lois will be-" before he could finish his sentence Brian was already out of the door and in the car. Stewie flipped the finger and smiled as he closed the door, "I love that dog" he thought to himself as he began searching for a stick to poke Peter with and markers to draw on his face.

Brian passed Joe's house as quickly as possible. Ever since Joe pulled a gun and almost killed him, thinking that he was deranged wolf, Brian had been terrified of the place. Brian stared at Cleveland's old house, remembering how he would have to get a new tub every two weeks, each time hoping that this one would last longer. Brian drove past town hall, where Mayor West would most likely be giving a speech or some randomness about how pot should be legalized. Brian had tried that once before and knew that pot was best left alone, after all things became too crazy when he did it and he preferred some order in the world. Brian was eventually out of Quahog completely, not really going anywhere or doing anything of particular interest. There were times when the dog just felt like driving and every time he did he always went to the same place.

Ten miles outside of Quahog there is a large cliff overlooking the sea. It is perhaps the most perfect view in all of Rhode Island and it was here that Brian stopped the car and looked out at the scenery, dreaming of better days that were behind him and the few years that were in front.

Brian had only been there for a few minutes when he got out of the car. Brian thought about what the world would be like if he wasn't in it. He thought about how cold the water would be, how long the fall would last and if he would die before impact. All of these things had crossed his mind before and each time they did, Brian would take out a cigarette and throw it in the water. It was the last pack he would ever buy and so far he hadn't smoked a single one. Brian gave up putting tar in his lungs after Chris had gotten a hold of the seven packs Brian had hidden under the bed and decided rather stupidly to light and them smoke them all at once

But despite this sacrifice, there was a consequence, a very sad and tragic consequence. Brian had a rare case of heart disease that resulted from his years of alcoholism, smoking and the unfortunate family history of heart disease and lung cancer. It would be a one in a million chance if he ever found a donor, and if the heart was from a younger person, he refused to take it. Out of all things he respected, Brian thought that the value of life was the most important of all. He couldn't ask anyone to give up anything for him, so it would have to be from someone who was already dead and significantly old enough to give him at least seven more years.

Brian's current heart would only give him three. In his mind that was plenty, but he wanted to live long enough to see Stewie into the teenage years, but at the rate things were progressing was going he wouldn't live that long. At best all he could hope for was to see Stewie get to age 8 that would have to do.

Tears began to form as Brian thought about Stewie, he was the last person that he wanted to lose, his only friend. It was times like this that he really did want to jump off that cliff, but then Stewie would be alone, because no one else understood him like he did. He couldn't do that to him, he was too important.

Brian took out the pack of cigarettes and threw it into the sea, watching as it made its final descent, giving Brian several new perspectives on life and what it meant to be alive. It was that moment that he resolved to live every day he had left to the fullest, and he would start with doing the one thing that he swore he would never do.


	2. Chapter 2

Brian drove up to the church, a route he only knew because Lois and Peter forced him to go. In a way he was like a little kid when it came to going, he didn't want to but once he was there, everything was just fine. Brian didn't necessarily consider himself a believer, mostly because it didn't feel like it was right, a God who put his creation in a world that was full of so many horrible things didn't make a lot of sense. But he had begun to think a little differently.

He entered the church like a stranger who had just come into town. His eyes were darting left and right as he scanned the room, feeling like all eyes in the current congregation were watching him. The pastor was talking about redemption of the soul and how only those who are truly saved can go into heaven. As Brian sat down, trying not to disrupt the sermon, all eyes immediately went towards him.

Herbert the Pervert, a local creep with no real evidence against him, stood up and looked at Brian. He pointed his bony finger at the dog and coughed just as the pastor asked for anyone who would step up and be saved. Herbert continued pointing at Brian, who only slinked back in his seat, quite ashamed that he had come there in the first place.

The pastor followed Herbert's finger and landed on Brian. He stared at him for a long time, not saying anything just looking and smiling. Brian felt that he was looking into his soul, searching for all the flaws that he had, every failure and every mishap he had ever done was somehow coming forth, and still the pastor smiled. The pastor, after waiting for several minutes spoke, "Come here son." Brian, knowing that he was exposed could do nothing but walk forward in front of the congregation and hope for the best.

He felt naked in front of everyone, even if he wasn't wearing any clothes to speak of. The pastor knelt down to where he could look into Brian's eyes, he saw that they were worn and full of pain. Taking his hands and placing them on Brian's eyes, the pastor began speaking as if he were reenacting Jesus healing the blind man, "Do you believe in the Lord our God?" Brian gave the straightest answer anyone could ever give, "Yes."

The congregation was more than surprised, for they had all known Brian to be a diehard atheist. But even atheism is believing in something, that something being absolutely nothing but nothing is also something and that's where the situation becomes a paradox of itself. Their mouths were gaping wide open as they replayed Brian's answer in their minds, too shocked to form anything in the way of words.

Brian walked down the aisle, his head held high. The congregation applauded, it was the loudest applause that Brian had ever received. It was the first time that he felt that the world wasn't so bad, that he was a success- a true success.

Brian knew that it was close to dinner time. He also knew that Stewie would be starving so he decided to head for home. As soon as he pulled up, he noticed that Lois had returned. He was in for a scolding he knew, but he didn't really care. For the first time in his life, he was happy and he wanted to keep it that way.

Coming in through the kitchen, Brian hoped that he would remain unnoticed; it didn't work for Lois was sitting at the table with Peter, who was still recovering from his hangover. She was dressed in a long red dress, and even though she was in her forties, she never looked more beautiful. Brian had long repressed any feelings for Lois much preferring girls like Jillian, just like everyone else he tried to get romantically involved with, she left him for no apparent reason.

Lois looked at him, her eyes blaring with anger, "Where the hell have you been Brian!" she said making sure to yell as loud as possible to get the message across. Brian's ears began to hurt, he could no longer take loud noises, and was just getting used to the fact that he was aging. "What's your problem?" he asked as he held his ears together trying to getting his tinnitus under control, the constant ringing was beginning to get on his nerves. "What's wrong?" Lois continued as she picked up a pot ready to swing it at him, "You left Stewie here alone while Peter was drunk out of his freaking mind!"

Brian looked at her as pain rose in his chest. "Lois, listen to me. I know what I did was stupid, very stupid, actually. But I think I've found religion." Lois put the pot down, she had longed hoped that Brian would find something to believe in. "What? Brian the atheist finding religion?" she said half in shock that he had said it. Peter looked at him, "This is great Brian. We should have a party or something!" Brian laughed at the notion. Having a party was the last thing on his mind; all he wanted to do was sit down and enjoy the moment.

_"If any kind of party is going to happen"_ Brian thought to himself, _"It's going to be a farewell party."_ Before anyone could protest Peter was already on the phone telling everyone on Spooner Street to come to the house. Lois looked at Brian, her face bearing a sorry expression. Before she could speak Brian spoke for her, "You don't have to say anything. I'm sorry." All Lois could do was nod and start getting the house ready.

Within the next few hours almost everyone in town was at the Griffin's. Joe, Bonnie and Quagmire were the first to arrive, next came Doctor Hartman and then Mayor West followed by Jasper, Meg and Chris.

Everyone was soon socializing in their own little groups, Chris and Meg were talking with Mayor West about the immigration reform bill that he was passing, Quagmire was talking up Lois-again, and Peter was drinking with Joe. Everybody seemed to be having a good time.

Brian sat on the couch, not really talking to anyone or wanting to do anything. He just wanted a little bit of peace. Jasper came over; he recently had a falling out with Ricardo, his boyfriend and needed someone to talk to. "I just thought it was time to move on" he said to Brian who was now fully listening, "You know what they say Jasper" Brian replied, "Love always finds a way in." Jasper smiled, it had always been that he knew exactly what to say for Brian, but for the first time in a long time, it was Brian who knew exactly what to say to him.

Jasper looked at his cousin, tears were forming in his eyes, "You'll find that someone Brian...It may be years down the road, but somewhere there's someone who will make the world beautiful for you." Brian embraced Jasper as tightly as he could, something that he hadn't done in a long time. Jasper was the only one who ever really believed that he still had a chance at finding happiness; he was the only one who believed that he could do anything that he set his mind to. Brian couldn't thank Jasper enough for everything that he had given him, the best he could do was give him a hug, and that was all that he needed to do in Jasper's eyes.

Doctor Hartman motioned for Brian to come over, "Brian, I have news" he said as he pulled out a small folder, "It's not good I'm afraid. You might want to sit down." Brian did as he was told and sat down, waiting to hear the worst "Brian-" Hartman began, "I'm sorry. There's nothing more I can do. It's too far gone, you're going to die." Brian nodded, he knew that this was going to be the case ever since he first went to the hospital for a regular heart exam and the doctors found out about the disease.

"How long do I have?" Brian asked, not really wanting to hear the answer. Doctor Hartman put his hand on Brian's shoulder, "At the rate things are going- six months." Hartman answered, "But it could move faster than expected so, worst case scenario...three weeks." Brian couldn't believe it; he knew that it was going to happen just not so intimate. He knew that he had to tell the family, and it had to be now.

Brian looked around, with Hartman standing next to him Brian felt somewhat confident. Brian then addressed the room, "Everyone can I have your attention please?" All eyes turned towards him, he had the floor all he had to do was speak. "First I'd like to thank you for coming; this hasn't been exactly the easiest thing for me to accept." Quagmire raised his glass, as did Peter and Joe, edging Brian to continue, "But there's something you need to know. I have a rare case of heart disease. Doctor Hartman said that they can't do anything more for me."

Peter stood on a chair, "What are you saying Brian?" his face looked confused as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Brian stared at him, his eyes full of tears, rendering him speechless. Doctor Hartman seeing this, looked at Brian and then at Peter, "Mr. Griffin, this isn't easy for him to say. Brian is going to die." Dead silence filled the room, if you dropped in a pin in that room, it would echo around the room for several minutes, causing your eyes to ring.

"At best he has six months to a year" Hartman continued "If his condition worsens even in the slightest degree, three weeks. I'm sorry." There was nothing more to be said. Peter just looked at Hartman as if he were the devil himself and walked out. "How could you?" Lois said pointing a finger at Brian and crying, "How could you just leave us like this?" Brian shook his head, he was not about to get blamed for something that he couldn't control, "It's not like I have a choice Lois!" Brian barked, "Do you think I want to die like this? No." He stopped, he didn't want to give the wrong impression.

Jasper looked at his cousin in disbelief; he had wanted so much for Brian. He wanted him to be happy, to finally find that one person that made the world special for him, but now it seemed as if that was impossible. Jasper felt like Brian had too much to offer the world to go this way. He got down on the floor and looked at Hartman, "Please take my heart! I don't need it- it's caused me too much pain..." Jasper was desperate; he turned to Brian, "Please Brian. Take my heart!" he was crying now, "You have too much to offer. Take it!"

Brian smiled and knelt down so he could face Jasper in the eyes. Jasper saw contempt as he looked into Brian's, but he couldn't imagine why. "Jasper" Brian spoke, "I can't ask you to do that." grabbing Jasper's hands and pulling himself up Brian looked around the room, everyone was completely silent. All of them had their eyes turned towards Hartman and Jasper, begging them to talk some sense into Brian, which they wouldn't or couldn't do.

Jasper cried, he cried harder than he had in his entire life, harder than when Ricardo left him, harder than when he realized he was gay and harder than when Brian and him were separated as kids, each going their own way. Brian let Jasper rest his head on his shoulder, the warm tears hitting the floor as they rolled down his back.

"Please Brian" Jasper whispered in his ear, "I'm tired, so very tired." Brian knew that Jasper would be the first one in the room to offer himself as a donor; he also knew that no one else would donate their heart for him. Knowing this, Brian still refused. He didn't want Jasper's heart, no matter how great the gesture, even though he knew that it would be his only chance.

Hartman looked at them, "Have you made your decision?" turning towards Brian and extending a hand. Brian turned towards Jasper, "I knew that you would be the first to do it." Jasper nodded, the tears never ceased, "I just want you to be happy." Brian nodded in return, "Okay then. I'll do it for you." Turning towards Hartman Brain grabbed the outstretched hand, "I made my decision. I've found a donor."

Hartman nodded and walked over to the door and left, saying that the operation would begin the next morning. Brian was going to live, and no one was happier than the family. After most everyone left, Jasper turned towards Brian for what would be the final time and smiled. "Just promise me you'll take better care of it than I did" Brian laughed, "I promise Jasper. I'll treat it as if it were my own."

Brian and Jasper lay on the operation beds, not saying anything and both of them hoping for a positive outcome. Hartman came in dressed in his full scrubs and began the surgery. Halfway into cutting into Brian, Hartman saw a problem. The heart was so sick that continuing the operation would be impossible. There was no way to do the transplant; the heart was barely holding on, the new heart wouldn't be accepted in time, even with morphine and other drugs. It was pointless.

Hartman sewed Brian back up and waited for the sedations to wear off. He took them into the back room separately and told them what happened. He took Brian in first; all the dog could do was stare blankly at the wall and take it in. Jasper's reaction was much more dramatic. He started shaking uncontrollably as the tears ran down his cheeks. When Jasper managed to compose himself enough, they all sat in the operating room deciding on how best to bring up the subject to the family. Brian and Jasper ultimately decided that Hartman would initially break the news. Once that was settled, the three of them headed for the waiting room, hand in hand, hoping that it would go over smoothly.


	3. Chapter 3

Lois, Peter, Chris and Meg were sitting in the waiting room, hoping for good news. Stewie had decided to stay home, he didn't want to know what happened to Brian, like the others Stewie just wanted it over with.

Hartman came in first, his face expressionless. Peter and Lois couldn't tell if what he was going to say was good or bad. Jasper came in next, tear streaks visible but no tears came down them. He walked over to Lois, his head as high as he could make it and said nothing.

Brian came in not really knowing what to say. After his examination of the heart, Hartman told him that it was deteriorating faster than originally was thought. Brian at best now had seven days to live. He didn't want to tell his family, but at the same time he didn't want Hartman or Jasper to either. He had to be the one to do it, it was his heart and in addition to the disease it was aching with the pain of losing everyone it had ever cared about.

"The transplant was a complete failure" Hartman began wanting to get the hard part over with as soon as possible, "Brian's heart was too sick. There was no way that it would've accepted the new heart in time for it to work." Chris and Meg sat there, wanting desperately to tear off their ears if only to prevent them from hearing anymore.

Brian breathed in deeply, "I have seven days" the resonance of those words echoed throughout the room, "It's okay" he continued as he began holding back tears, every bone in his body wanted, begged for Brian to cry but he knew from experience crying would only make the situation worse. "I'll be alright" Brian began once more, "I just hope that He'll be forgiving."

Lois and Peter looked at Brian, they couldn't fathom that he was going to die. He was supposed to be the strong one, the moral support, the crutch for someone to lean on. He wasn't supposed to die yet. Brian's death would leave the family crippled, they both knew. They both knew that it would hard to return to normal after this week. They both knew that Stewie wouldn't understand he would be confused and ultimately ask why his dog was gone. Peter always thought that he would be the one to explain it when Brian died, and Lois thought that she would have to be the strong one, the new crutch.

Brian could sense that they were thinking about what was going to happen. The first thing that came to his mind was Stewie. To him, it felt right that he should be the one to tell him why he was leaving. After all, he was his only friend and it would make the most sense while he was still alive. Brian walked over to Peter and put his hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry about Stewie" he said, "I'll tell him before it's time." Peter nodded in understanding, "Thank you Brian. For everything."

Peter wasn't the kind of person to pour out his emotions in front of people, but this time he didn't care. His best friend was dying and there was nothing else to do. He hugged him as tight as he could and let the tears of all the years that Brian had been ridiculed, torn down, and had his dreams crushed all by Peter, never once saying he was sorry. "Brian, I'm sorry. I've been a real jerk. All the things I did everything that I said..." Peter found it difficult to finish but he did anyway, "I hate myself Brian. I hate myself, and no matter how many times I say it, Sorry will never be good enough for me, and it shouldn't be good enough for you. But I know that it will be, because you're a better person than me Brian. You are." Peter was shaking now, there was so much more that he wanted to say, for just calling Brian a better person wasn't good enough, "Hell, you've been the example for my kids. You practically raised Stewie!" Peter was laughing now, he continued, "No one asked you to do that Brian. No one. Yet you did it anyway, because you thought that Lois and me deserved a break. We're perfectly capable of raising another kid, well; at least Lois is...every time you would leave to go find yourself you would always come back, even when in your heart you wanted to stay. Why Brian! Why did you keep coming back?"

Brian smiled humbly, "Because Peter" he answered, "This is where I belong." Brian pulled out a small necklace; it was silver and had a small inscription, _"May His everlasting grace and divinity guide you to the path of righteous and understanding."_ Brian handed the necklace to Peter, "That was given to me by a kindly old man when I went to California when I tried to become a screenwriter. It was the only thing that I managed to keep from that trip and I have no idea why I did, for I didn't believe, I had no concept of God or any religion. So why did I keep it?" Peter shrugged, for he couldn't come up with an answer, so Brian answered his own question, "I kept it because the truth is- I was lukewarm. I wanted to believe and at the same time I didn't. I thought it would be easier if-" Brian stopped himself and simply smiled as he patted Peter's hand and made his way to the car, "Come on guys" Brian called as he pulled out a retractable cane, "I ain't got all week!"

Peter, Lois, Chris, Meg and Jasper smiled, it was good to hear Brian's sense of humor. Peter shook Hartman's hand and they all followed Brian to the car, with smiles that went from ear to ear as they watched Brian dance his way to the back seat singing "You Make Me Feel So Young" by Frank Sinatra. Incidentally, Brian, in traditional fashion, was intimating Ol' Blue Eyes himself.

Brian began swaying on his cane back and forth, partly as part of his dance and part because he was actually using as support. Pulling out a top hat and bowtie that he kept in his back pocket for emergencies, he continued to sing. Jasper immediately joined in, pulling out a matching top hat and bowtie and began a short tap dance routine. Jasper picked up towards the second verse, _"You make feel so young. You make me feel there are songs to be sung, bells to be rung and a wonderful fling to be flung!"_ Brian smiled and continued, _"And even when I'm old and grey, I'm goanna feel the way I do today, cause you make me feel so young."_

Peter, Lois and Meg ran towards the two dancing dogs and immediately joined in, lifting them up on their shoulders as they too began to sway to side to side. Chris meanwhile, got the van, all of them began to sing, for a moment the world was normal. _"You make me feel so young. You make me feel as if spring so sprung has flung. And every time I see you grin. I'm such a happy...individual."_ Chris opened all the car doors and they entered, all the while they continued singing. _"The moment that you speak, I wanna go and play hide and seek. I wanna go and bounce the Moon, just like a toy balloon." _Jasper and Brian continued solo, _"You and I are just like a couple of tots, running across a meadow, picking up lots of forget-me-nots."_ Brian leaned his head out the window and finished the last verse, _"You make feel so young. You make me feel there are songs to be sung, bells to be rung and a wonderful fling to be flung! And even when I'm old and grey, I'm goanna feel the way I do today, cause you, you...make me feel...so young."_

Brian pulled his head back in and the whole car began laughing. It felt good to laugh, to be able to forget about what was happening. It didn't take long for reality to set in however. Jasper stared at his cousin, his eyes were wet from tears and for the first time they were tears of happiness, "That was the most fun I'd had in a long time Brian...you don't know what it means." Brian took his hand and nodded in understanding, "I know exactly what it means Jasper. It means that you can stop worrying and start living."

They pulled up to the house and exited the car, all of them silent. Brian leaned heavily on his cane, it hurt to walk. He stumbled to the ground, causing Meg to stable him and lead him into the house; "Come on Brian" Meg said as she opened the door, "Let's get you to bed." Brian nodded weakly; "If I'm lucky I'll be" he coughed violently, preventing him from speaking. Taking in a deep breath, Brian continued, "dead by morning."


	4. Chapter 4

Jillian was in her car. She had just heard about Brian and wasn't exactly sure what to think. He had come close to marrying her, but she pushed him away, now he was dying and there wasn't enough time to know it ever would've worked.

Her apartment wasn't far from the hospital, she had thought about stopping by for old time's sake, but Brian needed to be with his family and she wasn't part of that. All she had to do was say two simple words, he had taken care of everything else, he had prepared everything down to the tee and she bailed on him for some guy in the aisle.

Jillian couldn't drive anymore; she pulled over and was half tempted to call Brian, just to see how he was doing, if he needed anything. Right now though, it seemed that she needed more comfort than he did, and he was dying.

Her cell phone rang as if on cue, and again, as if on cue it was Brian. Jillian picked up the phone, "Hello?" she said, waiting for Brian to answer, "Jillian? Thank God you picked up!" God? Brian wasn't religious, but he had used that expression before, so Jillian wasn't that surprised. "It's been a while" she spoke, not really knowing what else to say, "Do you need anything?"

Brian was sitting on his bed in the spare room, for Lois and Peter had finally got in their heads to give one him of his own. "No I don't need anything" Brian answered as if he wasn't dying and getting worse by the minute, "I just wanted to talk is all." Jillian sighed, "Well I don't have time Brian. I'm sorry." Brian sighed in return, for he had desperately wanted to see her, to hold her. "Jillian" he began, "I-I...Did you hear? You know, about me? About what's happening to me?" Silence. Without another word, Jillian hung up the phone.

Brian waited for several minutes waiting for her to response, not realizing that she had hung up on him. "Jillian?" he began, "Listen. This is hard for me to say. I hope that it isn't too late for us, to at least get back a little of what we had." Brian stopped and took the silence as Jillian listening, completely ignored the ringing of the line that he didn't even hear it. "I can't live without you Jill" he continued, "I know that...that you married Derek and I'm sorry about what happened to him, falling off a balcony is a terrible way to go... If I'm making you upset please tell me." He stopped again and once again interpreted the silence as acceptance," I know it's a little sudden and frankly, completely crazy, especially with me and my situation. But would you consider, now I won't be upset if you say no, I'll understand, but would you consider marrying me?"

It was then that Brian looked at the phone and noticed that he had been talking to no one for close to twenty minutes. He immediately hung up the phone and stared blankly at the wall. Brian wanted to cry, he had never felt so alone before. Taking out a small journal, he began to write. When he was finished thirty minutes later, he put the journal under his pillow and went to sleep.

Jillian was his light for the world, the one thing that made it all worthwhile. Brian wished that Jasper could've seen how happy they were when they were together. He would've laughed and smiled along with them.

Brian knew the first time that marrying Jillian would be the craziest thing he had ever done in his life so far. But at the moment crazy felt good and Brian knew that it was now or never. So he did it right on the spot, if he had known that she was going to turn on him the first chance she got, he would've have put more thought into his decision. But love makes you blind to everything, even the most obvious conclusions.

Brian remembered the response that everyone had when he told them that he was marrying her. It was the same face of shock and surprise that he had gotten this evening. It was also the last time that he had felt truly happy.

Jillian leaving him at the altar had taken a toll on Brian's mental health. He started to think that he wasn't good enough, that he was forever going to be alone and have no one to share his life with. It was to be a sad existence and it was times like this when Jasper was the most important person in Brian's life.


	5. Chapter 5

Brian woke up that morning feeling as if he got ran over by a truck. He barely slept that night, for he spent most of it thinking about Jillian and Jasper, the only people that besides Stewie, really ever showed any kind of affection for him that was considered real love. Brian thought about what Heaven would look like and the chances of him not even being able to see it. He thought about all the things he had done in his life, he thought about every drug he had ever done, every girl he ever had sex with and how they all meant nothing. Brian knew that when his time came he wasn't going to go to Heaven, for why would God let a recent covert, let alone a recent covert who for the majority of his life wasted it on sex, drugs and alcohol into Heaven?

Brian went downstairs, hoping that he wouldn't cause a scene. Brian checked his heart rate, it was extremely high. Taking out the pills that Hartman gave him, Brian took his medication and checked his heart rate once again, no change. Brian began to move quietly as he came in the living room, as invisible as a ghost. Joe, Peter's neighbor and drinking buddy was next to the couch talking to Peter. He seemed distressed about something, Brian stopped to listen.

"I don't know what to do" Joe stammered as he buried his hand in his face at a loss for words. "I'm sorry buddy." Peter replied softly, still not entirely sure what was troubling him for he didn't exactly say;" I wish there was something I could do." Joe nodded, "There is actually...I need Brian."

Brian coughed violently, causing both of them to turn around, "You alright buddy?" Peter asked, concern showing in his voice. Brian nodded slowly as the coughing continued, spats of blood accompanied the germs on his hand, but Brian ignored this. Joe moved closer when Brian had calmed down, "Brian I need a favor" he said solemnly. Brian stared at Joe with concern, for he never asked for favors from him, "Sure Joe" Brian answered, "What is it?"

Brian walked into Stewie's room. Susie and Stewie were sitting at the table in the corner of the room. Joe had said that Susie was to undergo the same surgery that Brian had. Her heart however was better than his was making her success rate much higher, but only by small increments.

"What's going on Brian?" Stewie asked, curiosity rising in his voice. Brian sat at the table and looked at him, his eyes were warm when he answered him, knowing full well the affect that his words would have and at the same time accepting them for himself. "I'm dying Stewie" Brian replied. Stewie was completely speechless. His face had turned pale, his breathing had slowed. "What" he said after several minutes, "Run that by me again. You're dying?" Brian nodded, Stewie wanted to vomit on the floor he was so sick.

Brian pulled out a small pin. It was one of those pins that a flight attendant would give to random people. This one was of a tiny cross. "This pin" Brian began, "was given to me on a plane trip to Texas. I was visiting Jasper who lived in Houston at the time. She smiled as she pinned it on me, wishing me luck." Brian laughed, "I didn't think much of it then. But it has brought me more than just blind luck. It gave me hope. Hopefully, it'll do for you what it did for me."

Susie looked at Brian, "Mister Griffin" she said her voice as sweet the lemonade she made on Saturdays mornings "Do you have what I have?" Brian nodded, the thought of someone so innocent experiencing something so horrible made his heart break, which was saying something considering that it had been broken too many times beyond repair. "Yes" he answered, "but don't you worry about a thing, okay?" he said this to reassure her, knowing that the chances of her finding a heart where about as low as his was. It would take nothing sort of a miracle to save her.

Susie hugged Brian and he returned the embrace, he had never before seen a person so small exhibit such courage and strength. It gave him hope that he might have a chance, but more importantly it made him realize that she was going to live. Susie would live not simply because she was a child and people tended to react differently when a child's life was at stake, but because she had that effect on people, The effect that would melt the coldest of hearts, mend the broken ones and make even the most helpless of souls take flight and become free from the chains that they have bound themselves with.

Brian began to cry. He cried not for himself, but for them. In a small way, Susie had come to be for him what Stewie already was. She listened to you, didn't judge and was always willing to help. To Brian, this gave him a second outlet. For some things, Stewie was just too close, Susie gave him another option.

Brian wiped his eyes; his tears had now become bitter. He took them both by the hand and stood up. "Come on" he said to Susie, "Let's take you home." They walked out of the room and headed to the house next door not saying a word and just enjoying each other's company.


	6. Chapter 6

Lois, Peter, the rest of the family and Jasper all sat in the living room. Peter was peeling an orange, he didn't care if the peels got on the floor or not. Lois and Chris were watching TV, trying to find anything to get their minds off what was happening. Meg was writing in her journal, thinking about what Brian would write if he were there.

Jasper was looking through old pictures he had found. Most of them were of the kids; specifically he was looking for Brian's pictures. He found none. "Lois" he said, "I've looked through almost all of your pictures. I can't find any of Brian." Lois nodded, she had kept those in a separate binder, why she did was a mystery even to her. Lois went to the upstairs closet and pulled out the binder, when she saw a large box on the shelf she had never seen before.

Curiosity getting the better of her, Lois pulled down the box, grabbed the binder and headed back downstairs. The box was quite heavy, setting it down in the middle of the living room floor, she along with everyone else, opened the box.

The first thing that was in it was a small note. Peter picked it up and read it aloud, "To Peter, Lois and family. If you're reading this it means that I'm not going to be around much longer. Hopefully this explains everything. Love, Brian"

Looking through the box Lois and Peter found nothing of particular interest. Nothing really explained anything; in fact it only confused them more. Jasper's eyes were wide as he saw a small book; it was wrapped in leather and bound with a light red ribbon. "This is it" he said, "The least important thing in here."

"What are you talking about?" Peter said, "What is it?" Jasper held it up close, "Brian always considered himself the least important person in any room. This must be his journal." Jasper undid the ribbon as if he were opening the map to the Holy Grail. Dust flew off of the cover as he turned to the first page. Everyone leaned in and Jasper began reading.

To any who takes the time to read this, I thank you. My life thus far as been nothing but a never ending whirlpool of heartbreak, sadness and despair, but there's a silver lining to it, I'll get to that later. All you need to know is that my name is Brian and this is my life.

It began somewhat innocently. My birth was nothing to really boast about, there was no celebration. Of what I remember of my mother, she was kind as any mother could be. I think looking back; I was the favorite out of the seven brothers and sisters that came with me. But that's not important here.

I grew up on a farm. It was spacious and there were plenty of chickens and geese to chase, that and it was also the other kind of farm. There wasn't a lot of time to make any friends, mostly because they were all waiting in line. I was lucky, being saved as a pet for the house, along with a few others, so I wasn't completely alone.

In that house I learned a lot about life and what it meant to be a dog. At first I thought it meant that you could do pretty much whatever you wanted, but I learned the hard way by getting hit on the head by the wife of the house that was not the case.

One of the others, Johnny, had become fast friends with me. We would do anything and everything. One day, Johnny thought it would be fun if he bit the mistress and started running around the house, not the best idea when you live on a farm. Which is why the master went ahead and shot him dead in the face, ever since then I've been terrified of guns.

Almost seven years passed. As time went on it had become apparent that it was my turn to get in line. It was me, a few of the younger ones and an old one that we called Skippy. Skippy had lived his entire life on that farm, his teeth had almost rotted out and his fur was almost completely gone. It was clearly his time to go.

As the line moved towards the shack, where the butchering would be done, I looked at the others in front of me. They had no idea what was going to happen as soon as they stepped through the door, they all believed that the farmer was giving them a prize for being good.

The only one who looked even remotely worried was the smallest in the group, he was shaking either out of fear or the cold air I couldn't be certain. I looked at him, "Do you know what's going to happen?" I asked, wanting to see if he knew anything, "Yeah" he responded, "Master's going to kill us!" Good. At least he would die knowing that, but looking at him again, I knew that I couldn't let him die- not like that.

We were tied up by long rope at the neck; I had managed to untie mine and was working on his when the Master saw us, "What are you doing?" he pulled out his gun. I broke the rope that kept him from being loose and we ran for it. The strange thing was that he didn't come after us.

When we were well enough away from the line, hidden behind a chicken coop, we stopped to rest. I looked at him and asked him his name. He looked at me as if he didn't know what I was talking about, "What?" he asked. I repeated myself, but it seemed that he still didn't get it. I noticed that he had a collar on, rare for anyone on the farm that I've seen. "Jasper" I read aloud for his benefit, "My name's Brian."

Jasper's ear perked up as I mentioned my name. "Brian. Your mother's-Buttercup right?" I nodded; the Master wasn't exactly creative with names. Fortunately my mother had the decent sense to give me a normal human name; I guess she knew that eventually I would mix with human society. "My father's your uncle. Ollie?" Again, terrible name choice. I had only seen Ollie once; I didn't really have the chance to learn his name, only reading it on his food bowl as I passed by the pen he was in.

"So if Ollie's your father? Then you're my cousin." I was quite proud that I had figured this out, and even more so that I saved his life. It was then that we decided to high tail it out of there. We both swore never to return, and we never did.

Jasper stopped reading. He let the words flow over him and rest on his shoulders. "Did that really happen?" Meg asked "Brian saved your life?" Jasper nodded, he suddenly remembered every detail. "He sure did. I promised myself that I would return the favor-" Jasper stopped realizing what he just said and knowing that it would never happen. "We're more like brothers really" he continued even though he wanted to stop talking, "He's my best friend."

Peter looked through the box again, making sure that he didn't miss anything. He pulled out a small necklace, a ring box and an old record player, a recording was still inside. Peter wanted to play the recording but decided against it. It would be invading Brian's space. Attached to the ring box was another note, "This ring box was to be hers. Don't let Jillian know about it, it'll only upset her. Burn this along with the copy of my book that's in the bottom of this box. It's better this way- Brian."

Peter pulled out Brian's book, a lengthy 210 page novel that was a complete failure. To hear Brian tell it, it was the story of a man trying to find himself in a world that would never be able to accept him for what he was. The idea sounded great, Peter had tried to read it but the words were too big. He nodded to himself as he looked at the note, the recorder and the ring box, and put all three things in a pile.

Chris saw a record book; it was mostly music from the fifties and sixties, Chris's favorite era. Attached to it was a note from Brian, giving the records to him. "This box" Chris exclaimed, "Is Brian's will" It was all too obvious. Brian had left a small key to his safe box for Lois and a large magazine collection of every Cosmo and Bazaar for Meg.

The box now lay empty. Everyone was silent. Jasper flipped through the last couple pages that he read and found more journal entries. "There's more here" he said, "Do you want me to read it?" All of them nodded a yes, and Jasper read on.

The day I found Jillian was the day I knew that everything would come together. She was the best thing that ever happened to me, even if she was a little on the slow side. What she lacks in brains she makes up for in her heart. There are so few people like that in the world.

I had hoped that we would be together forever, I even went so far as proposing to her on the fifth date, an unheard of and completely insane idea, I know. But then again love makes a person do anything; it also makes them completely blind to the most obvious outcome possible.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when Jillian left. She was just like the others. Only in it for a little while and as soon as a better looking guy came along they left. Something was clearly wrong with me. For a while I had trouble figuring it out, but then it hit me.

I was cynical, hypocritical, a compulsive liar, and worse. If I wrote down everything that was wrong with me I would have to get a new journal. It's a long list. When I realized this, I wanted to kill myself; I thought that I would never be good enough. I was too stupid to change.

I am ashamed to admit this but I lied about my atheism. I had believed in Him ever since birth. For some reason something in my brain thought that it would be easier to get accepted in human society if I denounced Him. It was the stupidest decision I had ever made, it made absolutely no sense and I was close to actually believing in it myself.

But if there was anything that I could do over again, it would definitely be my relationship with her. Because maybe I would be able to see things that I couldn't before. I'll put it plain and simple. I knew who God was; I followed him, denounced him and pretended that he didn't exist. I am like Peter, Saint Peter- not Peter. You know who I'm talking about, Griffin's nowhere near sainthood. I think that Jillian could've made me see my mistake a lot sooner and maybe things would've been different.

But enough about what could have been. It's time for me to move on in the next stage in my life. I'm not going to be around for much longer, so consider this my final farewell.

My name is Brian. My biggest dream, using Jasper's words, is to find the one person that makes the world beautiful. I realize now that I will never have that. My biggest failure was every time I brought a girl home thinking that she would solve my problems, only serving as a temporary outlet. My biggest success definitely without a doubt was being a Griffin.

I don't want to be remembered for what I am. I want to be remembered what I could've been. Nice, supportive and caring, but then these things would only be a lie, because I am none of them. It would just be easier if I was forgotten, bury me in an unmarked grave and the world would still go on just as it would if I had a name worth remembering.


	7. Chapter 7

Brian had to call the hospital late in the night, his chest was on fire and he could barely breathe. The family was out, so Brian had little to no choice and drove himself to the hospital, checked himself in and entered his room alone.

Sitting in the hospital bed the next morning, Brian realized that this was the day he was going to die. Hartman made sure to call the family, but he would be dead before they got there. He looked out the window as the sun's rays hit the horizon, bringing on a new day.

Brian looked at the calendar, it was Sunday. He had always wanted to die on Sunday; incidentally it was also his birthday- double whammy. A knock at the door, they had come early. He turned over with difficultly; he wanted to be able to see his family before he died.

Peter, Lois and the kids entered as quickly and quietly as they could. Even Stewie came. Jasper sat on the corner of the bed and opened the window, looking out at the sun rise. Brian looked at Jasper and smiled, "Thank you" Jasper nodded, the tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

Jillian came in the room. She didn't know why she was there or if he wanted her to be there at all. It didn't matter; she had something she needed to say. Peter saw her and made enough room for her to get to Brian's bedside, the minute he saw her, his face had a little bit of a glow to it, almost angelic.

"Hey" she said warmly, Brian's smile grew bigger but he didn't say anything. He just stared into her eyes. Brian pulled out a small notepad and pen that he had kept underneath the pillow and wrote on it. He handed her the note and she read it aloud, "You are my light of the world." Jillian looked at him; all that she allowed herself to do was smile.

At that moment Hartman came in the room. He was carrying a heart in a cooler. He ran up to Brian, "Brian, there's still a chance. This heart would fit you perfectly, but-" Peter moved closer to him, his voice full of anxiety, "But what?" he demanded. "It's the exact match for a girl down the hall in need of immediate surgery. I could operate on him, but it would end up being another two weeks before I find another donor for her."

Hartman looked at Brian, "It's your call." Brian stared at Hartman, his voice raspy as he spoke, "Give it to her." Peter turned towards his friend, "But Brain this is-" "No Peter" Brian stated firmly, "There's a life that's more important just down the hall. A human life. I'm _supposed _to die at 17, not her. Let me die knowing that I did this one good thing." Peter nodded and Hartman exited as quickly as he entered.

Brian looked at everyone that he ever loved and smiled. He closed his eyes and waited. "Don't cry for me" he said, his voice now barely audible "I am not worthy for any tears you shed." Brian felt a hand touch his as he breathed; he had at best sixty seconds. Even so, Brian said nothing, took his breath and died.

Jasper let go of Brian's hand, smiling as he thought about Brian's last words. "There's so much that I wish I could say" he began, "You always said that you wanted to die surrounded by the people who cared about you. Well, to be honest Brian, I don't care about you. Because caring would require me to be able to say I love you." Jasper wiped his eyes and continued, "I don't love you Brian...I adore you. If its consolation, I too have been lying. Ever since Ricardo left, I've been engaged to this girl. I figured it would be easier, in order to deal with the pain. I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you. It was one of the reasons I came over that night, but once you told me about your heart it didn't matter. It wasn't as important." Jasper stood and looked out the window, watching the sun began its slow rise, "That's okay though. I know who I am. I will never be you, no matter how hard I try."


	8. Chapter 8

Hartman came in the room. He was carrying a small box and a necklace. He walked over to Brian and looked at Peter, "This is from the little girl's parents. They wanted him to have it" he sat the box on the table and put the necklace on Brian's neck.

They all stared at the necklace. It had the engraving of John 3:16, on the back was the words: Worthy in His Eyes. Peter looked at Hartman, "How did you know?" Hartman shrugged, "Fitting I guess. Besides-" he said staring at Brian's collar, "Brian needs to know who he is."

Hartman opened the box and pulled out a small letter. The letter is as follows:

I want to personally thank you for what you have done Brian. You've given us our little girl back. Just to let you know the surgery was a complete success. I know that this was your last chance and for that I'm sorry. You're a real hero to me and my family. May this necklace remind you of what you are to us, this town and yourself.

Peter looked at the letter, it was unsigned. "Who's it from Hartman?" Hartman sighed, for he knew that the answer would be crushing and final, "Mr. and Mrs. Swanson." Peter looked at the letter and then at the necklace. "Joe Swanson?" he asked, Hartman nodded. Lois buried her face in her hands; Chris and Meg were close to throwing up. The association was just too close.

Joe came in the room, followed by Bonnie with Susie in tow. Joe's wheelchair made it a tight fit, but it was enough to get them to the bedside. Joe looked at Brian and knew that he had gone peacefully, "Brian, I don't know if you can hear me" he said, "but in case the note wasn't clear." Joe saluted and pulled out a police badge, "You're a hero now." Joe pinned the badge on Brian's faded collar and stared at the necklace smiling as he left the room.

Bonnie turned to Lois, "I'm sorry. We didn't know until it was too late." Lois nodded, not saying anything and also not trying to punch Bonnie in the face. "I just hope that wherever he is he's happy" Lois said finally. Bonnie smiled and walked with Susie, who waved goodbye to Brian as they left the room leaving the family to be alone.

Hartman sighed, shook Peter's hand and left the room. Jillian nodded, holding back as many tears as she could and without any words followed Hartman. Chris and Meg soon went as well, leaving only Lois, Peter, Stewie and Jasper in the room.

"He always said that he didn't want to die alone" Jasper stated, "To be surrounded by friends and family. I'm glad I could give it to him." Jasper pulled out a note card with his address in Quahog and handed it to Peter, "I'll be staying in town for a while. If you ever need anything call me." Peter nodded and took the card putting it in his wallet. He would definitely be the needing the number.

Jasper looked at Stewie, "I'm sorry" he whispered. Stewie hugged Jasper and spoke, "Thank you for being here" he returned. Jasper was crying silently to himself now, he knew that he would have to watch over him. Even with Peter and Lois, Stewie had become his charge. "I know that things won't be the same" he said, "I know that we will never be as close as you and Brian were but I hope that this will be a start." Stewie wiped his eyes "It's a start" he said chokingly, not really caring that he couldn't breathe.

It had always been that Jasper had been the crutch for Brian; at least that's how Brian saw it. But really Brian was the crutch for Jasper, that's how it had always been. Jasper acted strong for other's sake, but in reality he was just as broken as everyone else. The world would never be the same, and yet he felt that everything from here on out was going to be alright.

As he walked out of the hospital Jasper looked up at the sky, it was bright and burning blue. Jasper smiled as he imagined Brian looking down on him "Happy birthday Brian" he shouted into the air, not caring who heard him. He then walked down the street, entered his apartment and closed the door.

Quahog was silent for three days, for it had lost one of the loudest voices it had ever produced. Vigils were held in every community, festivals were had in the streets honoring the dog who thought that he was insignificant.

Brian lived the last years of his life doing everything that he said he was going to do. He had become a model that people had tried to live by, a great surprise to those who knew him best. But Brian didn't want to be remembered for any of that. He wanted to be remembered for the things he said that he wasn't. But the thing about Brian Griffin was that he was too important not to be forgotten.


	9. Chapter 9

Press Play.

If you're listening to this it means that I am dead. I'm sorry that it had to be this way, I'm sorry that I wasn't the dog that you guys deserved.

There are so many things that I wish I could say. But this recording is only so long. Know that I love you all and that my life is nothing compared to any of yours. If I could choose how to go, I would go down protecting the people that I can't live without. Just knowing that you get to move on would be enough for me. But that's the funny thing about life. We don't get to choose in the end.

To Lois, to be honest I'm not even sure how you did it, raising Chris and Meg. It must've been hell. If there was anyone else that could've made me believe it would be you. I know God is real, because how else can such a beautiful creature exist?

To Peter, I couldn't ask for a better friend. Even though I know that we weren't as close as I would've liked to have been, I'd like to think that we had something. If it wasn't for you Peter, I would be dead, either by drinking myself to death or a bullet to the head.

To Chris, Meg and Stewie don't think of this as the end of things. Think of this as the beginning. Learn from this, earn this. Don't live your lives always wondering what could've been, because then you're only wasting your lives if you do. Live every day as if that very moment you were going to die. Then you leave with no regrets.

To Jasper, I don't know if you're in the room or not, so I'll make this quick. There aren't enough words to describe what you mean to me. You aren't just my cousin, we're closer than that. Jasper you're like my brother. You're the one that always saw the good in people, who saw their faults and loved that person just as they were. I don't know what good you saw in me. Was it my cynical attitude, my unfaithfulness or my drive to constantly have to know everything that qualifies as being good?

I don't this to be stagnant. It's life. People come and go all the time. I know that it's going to be difficult but...the only way to move on is for you to open your eyes, turn around and walk out the door. Leave. Leave and never come back. Quahog is and always will be a pit. A grim reminder for you. But it's not my choice.

Whatever you decide, it's time to blow out your candles. And so, goodbye.


End file.
